I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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