spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
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I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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