So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
