Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
