you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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