but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This house was built for laser tag.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
