Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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