i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
