gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
