I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
