dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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