haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
