I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
