So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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