Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
