remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
