alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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