John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
