When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
