The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
