This girl is more easily done than said...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
