He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
