i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
