Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
