Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
