Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
