wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
