What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we're making bets on your personal life
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
