So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
