my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
