Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She announced her abortion via fbk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
