somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
