just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
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If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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