so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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