I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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