Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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