he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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