tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
