she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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