my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize