I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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