Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
