Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
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I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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