I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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