Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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