Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
