Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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