I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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