Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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