Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
