the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
