Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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