And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
