I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
