nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need a beard to bite.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
