while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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