Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
