He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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