I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
