Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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