when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
