When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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