This is not my ceiling
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize