I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
