The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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