I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
