Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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